My Thoughts.....

He was standing in the kitchen. Leaning against the island. Arms crossed. His parents were over. I usually get to hear even more stories of his work week when his dad is around.  He likes to talk to his dad about what he does.

"If you move I will kill you. I am serious, we will kill you." His gun was out. Finger on the trigger.  The aspiring "rapper" now sat still in his vehicle. They slapped the cuffs on him right there before removing him from the car and then removing the fully loaded pistol from the from seat.

It still seems strange to me. I know full well every word that was said was meant. He would kill that man if he moved. And rightfully so. I guess I'm still not used to the fact that he has his gun out, prepared to kill another human, weekly at the very least. Its just still seems so different. I'm grateful he's out there protecting the innocent and his fellow officers and is not afraid to take initiative and unholster his weapon when it becomes necessary in his shift. It is just what is normal now.

There I sat in the kitchen cheering him on thinking, "Darn right, baby, he is not going to move without you blasting a few rounds in him. You are coming home at the end of every shift. No matter what the cost."

I hope I can explain myself right. It's not strange that he is carrying or using a gun. That's familiar. He had a concealed carry permit long before becoming a cop. With the very low income rental properties that we had, carrying a gun was just a smart thing to do. After a big Rottweiler chased him onto the hood of his truck when he was knocking on doors collecting rent, he never left his gun at home. He was also a hunter. Brought us home fresh game, antlers hung in the garage. I'm used to guns. I appreciate guns. I want them in my house.

I guess this recent experience just made me realize that I am still not used to the life and death scenarios that he is faced with every shift. His life. His death. A stranger's life. Their death. How clear his mind must be. How decisive his judgement. How important his training. How prepared emotionally.

I know that most officers never have to fire their weapon. I just didn't realize how often the scenario would still arise.