Monday, August 15, 2011

Lessons In Texting

Dear CA Cop,

I really appreciate that when you were running 4+ hours late the other night you took the first moment you had to text me. It really means a lot.  You know I worry about you, honey.

Just a little helpful tip.  Under similar circumstances in the future, I would greatly appreciate it if you could please refrain from making the first line of the first contact we've had in over 7 hours be "I'm in the hospital".

Even though you so kindly went on to explain that you were waiting on a victim.  I nearly had to pick myself up off the floor. For future reference I have compiled a list of suggested alternatives to "I'm in the hospital". Please use freely and apply substitutions when/where necessary:

#1.) I'm with a rape victim waiting at the hospital. Don't know when I'll be home.
#2.) Waiting with rape victim at hospital. Not sure when I'll be done.
#3.) Going to be a long night. Just waiting on a victim to be checked at hospital.

Again, thank you so much for the text. You were definitely missed sorry it was such a very long night. You were exhausted.

With Love,
CA Cop Wife

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Wash Day II

In my previous post describing an experience I had while washing the handsome CA Cop's uniform I took the time to note the care in which this process is performed.  Being that the man is still a rookie and being that a well manicured appearance is just part of his personality, the uniforms must be handled with care. Emphasis on must. I have been outlined instructions on the dos and don'ts of the "wash and wear" uniform ever since the dry clean only uniforms got shelved (or closeted). Its a labor of love, truly. I catch a glimpse of what he experiences during inspections every Sunday evening as I hang up the freshly washed and dried uniforms for him to raise a single eyebrow at before loading into the car.

Okay so now that you have the background information let me indulge your reading senses with a little happening that occurred on one such wash day.

CA Cop had just purchased a new uniform, long sleeve.  I'm talking brand spankin' new.  He may have worn it on one shift.  I was instructed to include said uniform into my wash day, along with all the proper rituals and routines that must be done in order to "properly" handle the "fragile" load.

I checked the pockets. Turned the pants inside out, buttoned and zipped, and dropped them into the sudsy-but-not-too-sudsy cold water.  I repeated the process with the top and carried on with my day.  I was ready and waiting at the sound of the buzzer and tossed the uniform into the dryer on low-heat-energy-preferred. And carried on with my day.

Half an hour later, I could see him from my position on the couch.  He entered the laundry room for some unforeseen reason and something caught his eye. There it was. My hands quickly covered my gaping mouth in horror.  A little black sleeve seemed to be waving at us from the door of the dryer. It seemed to reach out and grab his leg begging for help as he walked into the room. 

Expressionless, he looked in my direction, opened the dryer to rescue his poor baby, but it was too late.  The end of the sleeve had remained still, caught in the door, while the rest of the shirt danced around the dryer. The left arm of the shirt had been tightly twisted over and over and over and over again.  It was like nothing I had ever seen before.  He was speechless.  I was also, but for different reasons, I had to choke back the laughter- knowing that he saw no humor in the situation. I carefully, slowly, gently unwound the sleeve.

I broke the silence with a  "See, its fine!"

Placing the top on a hanger we stared.  The left sleeve was dramatically longer, cartoonish really.

I excused myself to our bedroom upstairs, I am certain he thought I was sad or embarrassed.  As I shut the door I released into a fit of laughter that gripped my stomach and made my eyes water.  Between the snorting I could hear the cop, with a lightness in his voice yell up to me "Its not funny".

Oh but it was....